Moving...

So I'm moving this blog to a new location on tumblr (www.not2us.tumblr.com) and bringing the previous posts with me and am hoping to have a new post before the weekend is up...God's got some crazy stuff he's been placing on my heart for the last month and I'm done trying to refuse him...stay tuned!

Relentless

I am currently doing this study called Experiencing God, its a great study for someone who is looking for ways to understand and hear what God is telling and convicting us to do. Today's session was called "Walking with God", and basically discussed the importance of taking time to "walk" with God and speak to him, and worship and praise him. How ironic that I read this after I've gone a full week of putting forth lame efforts to spend time with God. He's funny like that sometimes, I hope he's getting a kick out of this because it slapped me in the face when I read it.

I'm an unbelievably busy individual. I am taking 3 classes right now 2 of which are my senior capstones the other is my final graphic design course all of which require a ton of out of class hours, I work a minimum of 43 hrs a week, and I try to stay involved in the church as well (bible study, alive, church, sometimes youth group, and I was coaching Upwards Basketball which actually just finished up which is a sad day...). But with a schedule like that its SO easy to just fall "victim" to my flesh and say "I'm too tired and I wouldn't get anything out of reading tonight" or those moments in the morning when I've already go an alarm set to go off at 630 to get up and read and its just so easy to justify hitting snooze because "Oh I've got such a crazy hectic busy life...". I sit back and think of the countless moments that I justify not spending time with Him and it makes me sick with myself. I can go home to lubbock and make time to hang out with my friends (nothing against that or doing that at all, they are amazing people and i love them so much and felt blessed to hang out with them) but I cant seem to drag myself outta bed in the morning when my phone goes off telling me to "Make WAR" (dybs :-)). So then I become disgusted w/ myself which does ABSOLUTELY no good in all honesty and hearing a song at alive this past thursday helped me get past that pitfall (thank goodness for David Crowder and his song "Everything Glorious"!). But the slap in the face came in the workbook when it said "People who struggle to spend time with God don't have a scheduling problem; they have a love problem." Ouch dude...

I love God, but I had to ask myself after reading that, do I honestly love him MORE than anything else? more than sleep, coffee, tanning, my 7 tv shows i watch on the internet, or my parents and sister, my adorable neice or even my nana??

2 Corinthians 5:14 says:

¹⁴For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. ¹⁵And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. (NIV)

If I acted crazy, I did it for God; if I acted overly serious, I did it for you. Christ's love has moved me to such extremes. His love has the first and last word in everything we do.

Our firm decision is to work from this focused center: One man died for everyone. That puts everyone in the same boat. He included everyone in his death so that everyone could also be included in his life, a resurrection life, a far better life than people ever lived on their own. (The Message).

Why am I not crazily and relentlessly pursuing God even when I think I'm too tired? Who cares if my flesh tries to tell me that i'm too tired to hang out with my Father? The Bible holds countless examples in scripture where God gave strength to the tired and the weary. And i'm about 95% positive that my version of "tired" doesn't even compare to a fraction of what God's people endured in biblical times.

The bottom line is this: I need to make it a priority to love God with all my heart.

"God created the first man and woman, Adam and Eve, for a love relationship with Himself. After Adam and Eve sinned, they heard God walking in the garden in the cool of the day. They hid from Him because of their fear and shame. Try to sense the heart of a loving Father when He asked that wonderful love question "where are you?" (Gen. 3:9). God knew something had happened to the love relationship.

When your relationship is as it out to be, you will always be in fellowship with the Father. You will be in His presence expecting and anticipating the relationship of love. When Adam and Eve were not there, something had gone wrong." (Experiencing God)

I've already asked myself what is it that is keeping me from pursuing this love relationship with my Father. If you're experiencing this as well I urge you to take the time to step back and ask yourself the same question. He wants a relationship with us, but if we don't make it a priority to love him it is going to be really hard for the type of relationship we were created to have to actually take place. So pray for that, pray that loving God with ALL of your heart is made a priority in your life.

Purpose

Okay so I was thinking and realized that I never really shared my testimony and what God has done in my life, which I feel may be helpful for someone who doesn't know me to relate to me a little easier. So I'm starting this entry w/ a little about myself and a lot about God and the wonderful things he has done in my life through the good and the bad and THEN i'll try to tie it into something i read today (yes this is going to be long) and hopefully it will all make sense!

I grew up not really going to church, went w/ my Great-Grandma Brady when I would stay the night w/ her but don't remember much about the church. I had a knowledge about God, but it was based off of what my mom would tell me and any questions I might have had along the way. Right before my 7th grade year we moved from Lubbock tx to Fredericksburg tx and were there for about 4 years. This was the place where I had a little more interaction w/ God and church, but it was still very minimal. Alot of my friends went to church every morning, youth on wednesday night, they went through confirmation and all that jazz and occasionally took me along to church w/ them. My memories of that? feeling super awkward and uncomfortable, thinking to myself how can they sing this stuff it sounds like it came directly from the 1800's (like i knew that or something) and it was so boring I could sleep (which i did numerous times). But while living in Fredericksburg my family experienced some difficult financial times. We lived in a house w/ one room and one open area, no bath tub, no shower, no stove, just a sink and an electric hot plate. Our bath tub was a giant rubbermaid bucket, and our shower was a tarp hanging from the awning of the back of the house, w/ a wooden crate to stand on and a water hose w/ sprinkler attachment that hung over one of the wooden railings. We also lived in a 2 bedroom house while we were there my room was combined w/ the office and my parents slept on a mattress in the kitchen, but at least we had a bathtub :-) While in fredericksburg though my curiosity about God grew. I had some teammates who attended the catholic school in fredericksburg prior to coming to high school and their passion intrigued me. So i got a bible and didn't really read it but if i was going through something i would refer to the topic index in the back and find something to get me through.

Okay so that was my faith life through my sophomore year in high school. For my junior year, we moved back to Lubbock because it was just too tough to try and make a stable income in FBG. Upon moving back we stayed w/ my grandma. Me, my mom, my sister, my dad, my nana, my uncle AND our dogs and cats stayed in my grandma's tiny 2 bedroom house. And though it was hard and difficult at times and there was no such thing as privacy, that house was like a dream home to me compared to some of the living situations we had in FBG. During my junior year my mom, who went to church her whole young life, started going to a "different" kind of church. She would come back and just talk and talk about it. Every Sunday she would get up by herself and head over to the Heights for church. Eventually my nana started going, then my sister, and finally after countless attempts to drag me out of bed i finally caved and went a long w/ it.

It was DIFFERENT...the music sounded like it came straight off Dashboard Confessional, Incubus, or a Puddle of Mudd album...there were people wearing their biker gear and jeans and tshirts and just totally and completely opposite of any of my prior church experiences. I didnt know what to think i was just amazed...so i kept going. At first it was less consistent, but as i started to develop a bond w/ the pastor (who is a HUGE basketball fan) i started coming more consistently, I started taking notes during sermons, i started asking my mom more questions, i would actually look forward to Sunday mornings, and then i started going to youth. I brought my friends and had friends at my school who were great influences and teachers of what it meant to be a christian. It was amazingly awesome.

But looking back on all of that, my faith was totally superficial. Don't get me wrong i had a desire. i wanted to become a better Christian and know Christ believe me i did, but i just didn't get it. My faith didn't leave the confines of that church building. My desire was always w/ me BUT my faith my ability to represent Christ stayed w/in the walls of that church... of that comfort zone, and my pursuit for growth solely rested w/in those youth meetings and Sunday services.

But I came to Drake feeling awesome about my faith...Read this sweet book called University of Destruction, that was all about preparing yourself for life as a Christian in college and man i just thought i was ready to go. Gave my life to Christ at a Seventh Day Slumber Concert down on my knees bawling my eyes out overwhelmed by the thought of a God who loves me infinitely much. A God who sent his OWN son to die on the cross for my sins July/August before my freshman year.

I lasted about 8 months in college before I started to live a lukewarm to almost non-existent Christian life... i started putting my relationship with Christ on the backburner, make up excuses that i was too tired to go to church because i had basketball or because i went out the night before. it started out small, "yeah i'll just come hang out for a couple hours"...."yeah i'll just take a sip".... those small events turned into close to 4 years of running in the other direction from God.

This past year I was diagnosed w/ depression. The man who diagnosed me did it in like 15min of talking to me for the first time and that day he wanted to put me on medication. Despite the fact that I dont think my greatest changes happened in that moment of hearing him say the words depression and medication, I do believe that was the moment when i decided i need to get right in my life, and the ONLY one who is going to get me out of this depression is God.

I am so grateful that he has his grip on me. And a tight one at that! Even when i was running i could feel his hold on me...even when i felt like i was so far from him he would find a way to make it feel like he was right beside me. I couldn't tell you the countless times that I thought about and sometimes planned ending my life, just being done, tired of the pain and even worse tired of the numbness...but obviously he wasn't done w/ me yet. He placed an individual in my life that no matter how much i tried to get rid of her, avoid her, ignore her, push her aside she was still there, always asking me if i wanted to go to church or Alive.

God has a purpose for me. Just like he has a purpose for each and everyone of us. I'm reading Forgotten God by Francis Chan and in a section I read today he discussed a common misconception in Christianity:

"It is true that God may have called you to be exactly where you are. But its absolutely vital to grasp that He didn't call you there so you could settle in and live out your life in comfort and superficial peace. His purposes are not random or arbitrary. If you are still alive on this planet, its because He has something for you to do. He placed us on this earth for purposes that He orchestrated long before we were born (Eph. 2:8-10). Do you believe you exist not for you own pleasure but to help people know the love of Jesus and to come fully alive in Him? If so, then that will shape how you live your life in the place where you are."

God designed us w/ a purpose to be laborers for Christ. I recently heard a friend talk about being a laborer for the gospel and he blew me away.

The definition he used for a laborer: one who responds to this message of reconcilliation (the gospel) by devoting their life to telling others and seeing them reconciled as well.

Laborers understand and recognize the fate of the people around them because when it comes down to it, there are 2 categories of people. Those w/ Christ, and those without. But the crazy thing was this statistic that he shared w/ us, 2% of evangelicals are actually sharing their faith. ***2%*** that means 98% are just hanging out doing their own thing. There are millions upon millions of people in this world that will not know truth because we don't wanna get uncomfortable and open our mouths. And its fear...we all have it. fear of rejection, fear of being thought of as radical or weird...shoot i'm scared right now while i'm typing this and if you're reading this you're probably only 1 of 2 people that will read this (because i know my mom will read it!).

But in Mark 13:11 it says "Whenever you are arrested and brought to trial, do not worry beforehand about what to say. Just say whatever is given you at the time, for it is not you speaking, but the Holy Spirit." and in Luke 12:12 it says, "for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you should say."

God never leaves us in the moments where he uses us to reveal himself to someone, but he can't do that if we never swallow our fear, stick our sweaty hands in our pockets and just open our mouths.

If you would have told me a couple of years ago that I would be going to the church I am now, attending bible study every tuesday night, doing volunteer work w/ my church, sharing the gospel with people, diving into my bible when i should be diving into my hw, listening to only Christian music, listening to podcasts from several pastors and praying like it was nobody's business i woulda thought you were crazy. But apparently God has a purpose for me because he has changed me, and i couldn't be more grateful than I am that he loves me enough to break me down and build me back up so that i may fulfill my role and purpose as a laborer for Him.

Aha! Moment...

So I've just been thinking about some things lately and taking in different peoples opinions on the church I currently go to and as I'm brushing my teeth tonight w/ the intention of going straight to bed my thoughts all fell in place.

Walnut Creek generally speaking from the perspective of non-believers who go to Drake is considered to be: pushy, judgmental, radical, weird (lol i loved that one), "all about getting the numbers in the church" and sometimes referred to as a cult. And in all honesty before I made a strong commitment to Christ and he guided me right back to this church I thought some of those same things as well.

When these people I've recently talked to told me how they felt about WCC I didn't know how to respond, at times I would half-way agree and say "yes some people at the church can be blah blah blah, but its like that anywhere." But after a recent email I received from a friend doing mission work in Prague and thinking back often on books I've read and conversations I've had w/ some of my brothers and sisters I finally realized something and know what I would say to those people next time they said something like that to me.

I would tell them yes people at WCC are pushy, but its because people matter to them. And not just some people, ALL people matter to them. The reason they are so pushy, the reason they don't back off, the reason they make you get uncomfortable is because YOU matter to them. They understand the importance of people dying to their sins and coming to know and have a personal relationship w/ Christ. They know and understand that Jesus is salvation, that a committed relationship w/ Him is the only way to our heavenly father. And they do it not to put you down, not to tick you off, not to please themselves, but they do it because they care about YOU...and the cool thing about WCC is they don't just leave you out to dry by yourself after your saved...those same people that were getting on your nerves before you finally decided that they may have a point, are right by your side encouraging you, holding you accountable to your commitment and goals and just flat out loving you.

They're pushy because they care and you matter to them, they're radical because this world needs change, they're weird because who wants to be normal anyway (Jesus wasn't normal!! he was extraordinary!!), and if they're "all about getting the numbers" its only because they want people to experience a relationship w/ Christ and receive the salvation promised to us through Christ dying on the cross for our sins...and lastly WCC is not a cult, its a very large family working as one to serve our God and His people.

Whoa

So I have this totally bad habit of reading/seeing something that is totally convicting and saying to mayself, "WHOA!! I should totally blog about this!!" and....2 weeks later or more no blog....hmm funny how i allow life to get in the way of something so awesome and worth sharing. BUT tonight despite how tired i am physically (and emotionally for that matter) I'm not allowing life (or sleep) to get in the way!!

I just finished this awesome book called The Prinicple of the Path: How to get from where you are to where you want to be. By Andy Stanley. And it was FULL of moments where I thought "Whoa!!" Just to give you a lil' synopsis or whatever of the book, Stanley uses life experiences (his and the people's around him) to illustrate his principle titled "The Principle of the Path". Basically Stanley says there are several paths available to us that we make based on the decisions and choices leading up to that path as well as our journey down it. So thats the basic jist of it, and for the record if you are someone who feels like you don't know how to get from where you are to where you want to be in ANY area of your life, Stanley's book is super convicting, and an easy read bc the guy is just flat out funny, which is a huge bonus.

Anyway the moment that stuck out the most to me is when Stanley is talking about where we focus our attention. I think the chapter was titled "Attention Retention". In our lives we have all these things and people we pass by and interact with that are constantly grabbing our attention. I can totally relate to this in an academic manner by busting out a little bit of what i've learned in my 4.5 years of college as an advertising major. The average person is exposed to about 1600 advertising messages a day and half of them you don't even acknowledge because it could just be that sweet new Smash shirt your friend is wearing. And without you even thinking twice it totally just caught your attention with its quirky message about "Idawohio: the great potato state".

Stanley sets the stage for this chapter by talking about an experience with his Driver's Ed instructor who said, "Don't look at the cars that are passing you, and don't look at the cars you ar passing. If you look that way you'll tend to steer that way as well." The first time I read this I definitely gave the, "huh?" thought to it. But as you read on Stanly clarifies for you (thank goodness or this may have been a wasted chapter for my thick head) and his basic theme for the chapter shines through as he states, "What gets our attention determines our direction and, ultimately, our destination."

That was my "Whoa!?!" moment right there...i was like holy buckets....he's right...

So if thats all there was to it, thats all I had to do was say I want "this" to be my focus and if i keep my eyes on the prize i'll be just peachy all the time.

Yeah right!?! And thats what i love about where Stanley went next with this. He went on to discuss how there are going to be several distractions or attention grabbers along that path that you are choosing to follow, like multiple exits just trying to draw you off the road with there flashy lights, "extra clean" restrooms, and "good just like momma made it" restaurants. The beginning paragraph of this section of this chapter was awesome and I wouldn't be able to paraphrase it and give it justice so i'm gonna just put it right on here, and hopefully Mr. Stanley won't get mad at me for plagiarism here.

"Think about the following sentences: 'As soon as i waked in, it grabbed my attention.' or 'When she walked into the room, she captured my attention.' Have you ever had something or someone grab or capture you attention? Think about the terms we use to describe this phenomenon: Grab. Capture. There is a lot of emotion associated with those two terms. And understandably so. If you ever had anything grab you attention, there was probably a good bit of emotion associated with that moment. You may be driving something that grabbed your attention. You may be living in something that grabbed your attention. And you may be living with someone who grabbed, or maybe it would be better to say captured, you attention. I am.
The reason you are driving, living in, or living with something or someone who grabbed you attention is that once it or they had your attention, you drifted in their direction. Thats understandable because attention determines direction. And thats not always a bad thing." (pg 137)

Something that Stanley touches on later in this chapter is that those not so good attention grabbers are deterring your attention from that which deserves you attention the most. If you are so focused, captured, infatuated by something that your attention is so heavily placed on that person or thing what is the quality of time you are placing on the lessor of your priorities? How often do we say "Oh i don't have time to read Luke today..." Yet we can sit on facebook for an hour and a half. We follow where our attention and focus is...

I can think of SO many times of something or someone for that matter that totally captivated me and i floated in that direction. Some of them good, and a lot of them not so good. We all have those, relationships we wish we would have never dove head first into, friendships we let slip away because we were "too busy", academic or business opportunities we let slip through our hands.

"Life was better before these things grabbed your attention. In many cases, the path you were on before they came along was the path you should have adhered to. But you didn't. And what grabbed your attention altered your direction.

No doubt you had mental conversation that went something like this:

Wow..would you look at that.
I probably shouldn't go there...
But perhaps I should double-check to make sure I shouldn't go there...
Yeah, I shouldn't go there.
C'mon now, focus.
Probably wouldn't hurt to go there for a moment.

Remember how common senes seemed to get railroaded by the emotion of whatever or whoever it was that grabbed your attention? Before you knew it you were moving in an entirely different direction." (pg. 140)

How many of us have been in a situation where we have a mental conversation where we know we shouldn't go down that path but somehow we talk ourselves into believing that it won't really hurt anything. I caught myself doing this today even, so its not to say i don't still struggle with it and Oh! this book cured me or anything like that, BUT at least now I am aware whereas before i wouldn't have thought anything of it. Progress is beautiful sometimes and i'm super pumped and thankful to Mr. Stanley and his wonderful book.

So I challenge you to think, and be honest with yourselves because seriously, i doubt many will read this or last through its novel like length, but to those of you that do honestly ask yourselves what are these things that have captured your attention. Then ask yourselves, are these things and people in alignment with the path that i want to follow for my ultimate goal in my life? And i say life in a broad since but it can be broken up into the various aspects of life as well (relationships, finances, spirituality, family, etc.) Because i mean seriously there is no reason to lie to yourself or the screen because i'm never gonna know if you seriously asked yourself this or not. I'll even share mine if it makes you more comfortable, My attention grabbers that are distracting me or 1) Social Networking Sites (ie Facebook and MySpace) 2) a Friendship and 3) The fianancial situation of my family.

So when I begin to have thoughts or urges to focus on these things i refer to Psalm 119, but more specifically Psalm 119:37 "Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word." And its hard because like Stanley says I have a strong emotional tie in some way or fashion to all three of these distractions in my life, but my love for Christ is stronger and He is so much more deserving of my time than anything this world has to offer me. So i pray daily that he "turns my eyes from worthless things" so that He will be the center point in my life.