Purpose

Okay so I was thinking and realized that I never really shared my testimony and what God has done in my life, which I feel may be helpful for someone who doesn't know me to relate to me a little easier. So I'm starting this entry w/ a little about myself and a lot about God and the wonderful things he has done in my life through the good and the bad and THEN i'll try to tie it into something i read today (yes this is going to be long) and hopefully it will all make sense!

I grew up not really going to church, went w/ my Great-Grandma Brady when I would stay the night w/ her but don't remember much about the church. I had a knowledge about God, but it was based off of what my mom would tell me and any questions I might have had along the way. Right before my 7th grade year we moved from Lubbock tx to Fredericksburg tx and were there for about 4 years. This was the place where I had a little more interaction w/ God and church, but it was still very minimal. Alot of my friends went to church every morning, youth on wednesday night, they went through confirmation and all that jazz and occasionally took me along to church w/ them. My memories of that? feeling super awkward and uncomfortable, thinking to myself how can they sing this stuff it sounds like it came directly from the 1800's (like i knew that or something) and it was so boring I could sleep (which i did numerous times). But while living in Fredericksburg my family experienced some difficult financial times. We lived in a house w/ one room and one open area, no bath tub, no shower, no stove, just a sink and an electric hot plate. Our bath tub was a giant rubbermaid bucket, and our shower was a tarp hanging from the awning of the back of the house, w/ a wooden crate to stand on and a water hose w/ sprinkler attachment that hung over one of the wooden railings. We also lived in a 2 bedroom house while we were there my room was combined w/ the office and my parents slept on a mattress in the kitchen, but at least we had a bathtub :-) While in fredericksburg though my curiosity about God grew. I had some teammates who attended the catholic school in fredericksburg prior to coming to high school and their passion intrigued me. So i got a bible and didn't really read it but if i was going through something i would refer to the topic index in the back and find something to get me through.

Okay so that was my faith life through my sophomore year in high school. For my junior year, we moved back to Lubbock because it was just too tough to try and make a stable income in FBG. Upon moving back we stayed w/ my grandma. Me, my mom, my sister, my dad, my nana, my uncle AND our dogs and cats stayed in my grandma's tiny 2 bedroom house. And though it was hard and difficult at times and there was no such thing as privacy, that house was like a dream home to me compared to some of the living situations we had in FBG. During my junior year my mom, who went to church her whole young life, started going to a "different" kind of church. She would come back and just talk and talk about it. Every Sunday she would get up by herself and head over to the Heights for church. Eventually my nana started going, then my sister, and finally after countless attempts to drag me out of bed i finally caved and went a long w/ it.

It was DIFFERENT...the music sounded like it came straight off Dashboard Confessional, Incubus, or a Puddle of Mudd album...there were people wearing their biker gear and jeans and tshirts and just totally and completely opposite of any of my prior church experiences. I didnt know what to think i was just amazed...so i kept going. At first it was less consistent, but as i started to develop a bond w/ the pastor (who is a HUGE basketball fan) i started coming more consistently, I started taking notes during sermons, i started asking my mom more questions, i would actually look forward to Sunday mornings, and then i started going to youth. I brought my friends and had friends at my school who were great influences and teachers of what it meant to be a christian. It was amazingly awesome.

But looking back on all of that, my faith was totally superficial. Don't get me wrong i had a desire. i wanted to become a better Christian and know Christ believe me i did, but i just didn't get it. My faith didn't leave the confines of that church building. My desire was always w/ me BUT my faith my ability to represent Christ stayed w/in the walls of that church... of that comfort zone, and my pursuit for growth solely rested w/in those youth meetings and Sunday services.

But I came to Drake feeling awesome about my faith...Read this sweet book called University of Destruction, that was all about preparing yourself for life as a Christian in college and man i just thought i was ready to go. Gave my life to Christ at a Seventh Day Slumber Concert down on my knees bawling my eyes out overwhelmed by the thought of a God who loves me infinitely much. A God who sent his OWN son to die on the cross for my sins July/August before my freshman year.

I lasted about 8 months in college before I started to live a lukewarm to almost non-existent Christian life... i started putting my relationship with Christ on the backburner, make up excuses that i was too tired to go to church because i had basketball or because i went out the night before. it started out small, "yeah i'll just come hang out for a couple hours"...."yeah i'll just take a sip".... those small events turned into close to 4 years of running in the other direction from God.

This past year I was diagnosed w/ depression. The man who diagnosed me did it in like 15min of talking to me for the first time and that day he wanted to put me on medication. Despite the fact that I dont think my greatest changes happened in that moment of hearing him say the words depression and medication, I do believe that was the moment when i decided i need to get right in my life, and the ONLY one who is going to get me out of this depression is God.

I am so grateful that he has his grip on me. And a tight one at that! Even when i was running i could feel his hold on me...even when i felt like i was so far from him he would find a way to make it feel like he was right beside me. I couldn't tell you the countless times that I thought about and sometimes planned ending my life, just being done, tired of the pain and even worse tired of the numbness...but obviously he wasn't done w/ me yet. He placed an individual in my life that no matter how much i tried to get rid of her, avoid her, ignore her, push her aside she was still there, always asking me if i wanted to go to church or Alive.

God has a purpose for me. Just like he has a purpose for each and everyone of us. I'm reading Forgotten God by Francis Chan and in a section I read today he discussed a common misconception in Christianity:

"It is true that God may have called you to be exactly where you are. But its absolutely vital to grasp that He didn't call you there so you could settle in and live out your life in comfort and superficial peace. His purposes are not random or arbitrary. If you are still alive on this planet, its because He has something for you to do. He placed us on this earth for purposes that He orchestrated long before we were born (Eph. 2:8-10). Do you believe you exist not for you own pleasure but to help people know the love of Jesus and to come fully alive in Him? If so, then that will shape how you live your life in the place where you are."

God designed us w/ a purpose to be laborers for Christ. I recently heard a friend talk about being a laborer for the gospel and he blew me away.

The definition he used for a laborer: one who responds to this message of reconcilliation (the gospel) by devoting their life to telling others and seeing them reconciled as well.

Laborers understand and recognize the fate of the people around them because when it comes down to it, there are 2 categories of people. Those w/ Christ, and those without. But the crazy thing was this statistic that he shared w/ us, 2% of evangelicals are actually sharing their faith. ***2%*** that means 98% are just hanging out doing their own thing. There are millions upon millions of people in this world that will not know truth because we don't wanna get uncomfortable and open our mouths. And its fear...we all have it. fear of rejection, fear of being thought of as radical or weird...shoot i'm scared right now while i'm typing this and if you're reading this you're probably only 1 of 2 people that will read this (because i know my mom will read it!).

But in Mark 13:11 it says "Whenever you are arrested and brought to trial, do not worry beforehand about what to say. Just say whatever is given you at the time, for it is not you speaking, but the Holy Spirit." and in Luke 12:12 it says, "for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you should say."

God never leaves us in the moments where he uses us to reveal himself to someone, but he can't do that if we never swallow our fear, stick our sweaty hands in our pockets and just open our mouths.

If you would have told me a couple of years ago that I would be going to the church I am now, attending bible study every tuesday night, doing volunteer work w/ my church, sharing the gospel with people, diving into my bible when i should be diving into my hw, listening to only Christian music, listening to podcasts from several pastors and praying like it was nobody's business i woulda thought you were crazy. But apparently God has a purpose for me because he has changed me, and i couldn't be more grateful than I am that he loves me enough to break me down and build me back up so that i may fulfill my role and purpose as a laborer for Him.

Aha! Moment...

So I've just been thinking about some things lately and taking in different peoples opinions on the church I currently go to and as I'm brushing my teeth tonight w/ the intention of going straight to bed my thoughts all fell in place.

Walnut Creek generally speaking from the perspective of non-believers who go to Drake is considered to be: pushy, judgmental, radical, weird (lol i loved that one), "all about getting the numbers in the church" and sometimes referred to as a cult. And in all honesty before I made a strong commitment to Christ and he guided me right back to this church I thought some of those same things as well.

When these people I've recently talked to told me how they felt about WCC I didn't know how to respond, at times I would half-way agree and say "yes some people at the church can be blah blah blah, but its like that anywhere." But after a recent email I received from a friend doing mission work in Prague and thinking back often on books I've read and conversations I've had w/ some of my brothers and sisters I finally realized something and know what I would say to those people next time they said something like that to me.

I would tell them yes people at WCC are pushy, but its because people matter to them. And not just some people, ALL people matter to them. The reason they are so pushy, the reason they don't back off, the reason they make you get uncomfortable is because YOU matter to them. They understand the importance of people dying to their sins and coming to know and have a personal relationship w/ Christ. They know and understand that Jesus is salvation, that a committed relationship w/ Him is the only way to our heavenly father. And they do it not to put you down, not to tick you off, not to please themselves, but they do it because they care about YOU...and the cool thing about WCC is they don't just leave you out to dry by yourself after your saved...those same people that were getting on your nerves before you finally decided that they may have a point, are right by your side encouraging you, holding you accountable to your commitment and goals and just flat out loving you.

They're pushy because they care and you matter to them, they're radical because this world needs change, they're weird because who wants to be normal anyway (Jesus wasn't normal!! he was extraordinary!!), and if they're "all about getting the numbers" its only because they want people to experience a relationship w/ Christ and receive the salvation promised to us through Christ dying on the cross for our sins...and lastly WCC is not a cult, its a very large family working as one to serve our God and His people.